OFFICIAL RESIGNATION LETTER — UNREDACTED VERSION, FROM: LEFT BIG TOE, FORMERLY EMPLOYEE #9, CURRENTLY ON ICE 👊😂💀📄
To: MK, Supreme Commander of Bathroom Tile Casualties CC: The Grim Reaper, Podiatrist, Janitor Who Mops Blood Subject: I QUIT. TELL THE TILES THEY WIN THIS ROUND.
Per our employment contract signed at birth, I invoke Clause 00:03 — “Catastrophic Tile Engagement.”
I hereby resign effective immediately, due to:1. Hostile work environment — Your bathroom floor is a war crime. Geneva Convention applies.2. Gross negligence — You went in barefoot. At 00:03. During a toenail union strike. Bold.3. Wrongful death
Incident Log:00:00 — Peace. All 10 toes accounted for. Morale: High. Bathroom tiles: Dormant.
00:01 — Subject MK shuffles like a sleep-deprived cryptid. Toenail Union issues internal memo: “He’s up again.
“00:03 — IMPACT. Direct collision between Employee #9 and ceramic tile Alpha-7. Audible crack detected. I filed my own will in real time.
00:04 — Subject MK emits tactical scream. Employee #9 begins emergency shutdown. Blood, dignity, and nail fragments found on scene.
00:05 — Subject looks down, whispers “oh no.” Too late. Employee #9 already submitting resignation papers to the afterlife.
00:06 — Bathroom tiles declare victory. Toe Union declares national holiday. MK declares war.
0900hrs — Severance nasi lemak deployed. Dua tahu present. Employee #9 absent. Phoenix recruitment begins.
All Rights Reserved
