What I understood about my past was that those who hurt me, trained me. The lessons weren’t random. They were surgical.

The main lesson I learned was to never trust or get too close to anyone because the closer people get, the higher chances of hurting me. I didn’t choose this lesson. It was drilled into me.

Throughout the past, I learned about communication styles including psychological manipulation and gaslight. They used my kindness and silence as permission. That was training.

Drill 1: Passive Aggression & Coercion H.K took things too far. He was passively aggressive and capable of being coercive. I remember H.K punching me so hard till my lips bled.

Despite the apology after the surgery, he failed to learn his lesson. That wasn’t a father disciplining a son.

That was training. It taught me to watch hands, not words. It taught me that “sorry” without change is manipulation.

Drill 2: Psychological Warfare B.S. had repeatedly belittled me, mocked me, and dismissed my boundaries just because I was silent and patiently waiting for the right time to voice out.

As a parent figure, he was absent, focused on providing financially but not emotionally.

When I made a mistake he would say “Don’t think you are so smart” and tell me to “learn to be humble.”

That was training. It taught me that silence gets punished.

It taught me that people weaponize humility to keep you small.

They mistook silence for surrender. It wasn’t. It was data collection.

Drill 3: Abandonment by Design B.S not being present allowed H.K’s abusive nature to go unchecked. That was training too. It taught me that absence is a form of permission.

Drill 4: Isolation Protocol There were many times I felt like I never belonged in the family. Being the black sheep of the family, I struggled and hated the idea of having a family.

That was training. It taught me to be comfortable alone.

It taught me that “ride or die” is better with one real person than many who are projecting their insecurities.

The training was unbearable. But it worked. They came to feed. I learned to starve them.